|
| |
What
if no one in Redwall cared about others?
Panelist:
A-tha-lia NHC
[Writer's Note: I am not responsible for any loss of food, brain cells, or
life that this article may cause.]
One day in Redwall, a mouse named Cheese walked over to the pond. He fell in
and was eaten by a grayling. Did anyone care? Not really.
That night, during dinner, every beast was stealing food from the other
beasts they were sitting with: from the youngest dibbun to the oldest of the
old. They didn't care if the food was hard, bad, the only scrap left; as long as
they got the food, they were happy.
Next day, the abbot fell off the wall onto the path outside. Vermin captured
him and threatened to kill him if the Redwallers didn't surrender. All the abbey
dwellers cheered and went back to their work, leaving the vermin very perplexed.
An abbey dibbun fell down the stairs outside the abbey building, breaking
her leg. She cried and sobbed, but no one took her to the infirmary. She soon
fell asleep, unable to get to the dormitories. A great bird swooped her away
into the woods of Mossflower.
Soon the number of abbey dwellers had dropped to only half a dozen. The
larders were empty, the fish in the pond had been killed, the trees and bushes
were stripped bare. No one wanted to leave the walls of the abbey (they were too
lazy), so they sat in Cavern Hole together until one mouse dropped dead from
hunger. The other 5 beasts were so hungry, all they could think about was mouse
stew, mousechops, and mouse burgers.
They began to fight over the body of the dead mouse until they had killed
one other. Redwall Abbey lay vacant... silent... dead...
AHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I scared myself with my own story.
... What are you looking at?
This just proves a point: if the creatures at Redwall didn't care about each
other, then there would be no Redwall. And if there was no Redwall, there would
be no Redwall books. And if there were no Redwall books...
AHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Scary thought, huh?
... Stop looking at me like that!
*is led away in a straight-jacket by men in white jackets*
|
The
Redwall Comedian