Panelist: Temm-lock

Chapter 4: Its a wonderVOLE life!

Somewhere deep in the wide world, nowhere near Salamandastron or anywhere that this story covers,
a vermin horde was making camp. Loud, angry vermin voices filled the air as the bustle of everyday horde-life went on. But hey, the scope of this story doesn’t reach that far so I’ll just blow that off.

Lord Hugestripe, who had lost his way, wandered aimlessly on the shores of Salamandastron. After his brief vermin encounter he had been slightly shaken and had lost his sense of direction. This was one of Hugestripe’s faculties: He was able to appear calm and cool while acting like a total moron. This is a less desirable faculty than vice-versa, but still acceptable. Ok, so I’ve confused myself.

As he was walking, he heard a cry from beneath the sand.
“Hello? Who’s there, hrm?” he shouted.
“Me.” A voice replied.
“Oh, I see. What are you doing down there, hrm?” Replied Hugestripe.
“Why don’t you come help me and you’ll find out” Replied the voice.
“That I will.” Replied Hugestripe. He ran to the spot where the voice came from and began digging with his claws into the sand. He soon revealed a small vole, curled up in the hole. The badger lord gave a start as the vole opened up its wide eyes and began to sing.
“Oh, what a fine day it is
to meet a small vole,
Oh what a great day ‘tis
To find a vole in a hole.

Many have dreamed of such a day,
But dreams are quickly washed away,
And hopes become as far between
As nothing that you’ve ever seen.

If you would like to sing along,
Come join me in this wond’rous song,
There’s plenty room for dreams of days
Where voles in grassy fields will graze.

Oh, what a fine day it is
to meet a small vole,
Oh what a great day ‘tis
To find a vole in a hole.”

“Wow” Said Lord Hugestripe, “What a find!”
“That’s right, there aren’t two like me in the world!” Replied the vole.
Lord Hugestripe nodded his head vigorously. “Indeed, I believe there aren’t, hrm?”
The vole jumped out of the hole and began dancing around on the sand merrily. “What do you call yourself, sir?” He asked.
“Hugestripe, badger lord of Salamandastron.” Relpied Hugestripe.
“Odd, you don’t look the part. Not at all. It won’t do. In fact, I will call you cousin instead.” Said the vole.
“What’s your name, small one, hrm?” replied Hugestripe.
The vole paced back and forth several times before replying. “Vloe.”
“What… Vole spelled differently? That’s entirely lame, hrm? I will call you Vole.” Replied Hugestripe.
“Ok, cousin.” Replied Vloe.
“Don’t call me that!” Said Hugestripe as he began covering up the hole in the sand.
“As good as done, cuz.”

Soon the two were headed in the direction of Salamandastron, very quietly. Not a word was spoken between them for the next half hour at least, but the silence was bound to be broken sometime.
“Come, vole. Salamandastron is right there, hrm?” Said Hugestripe.
“Where? Where? I don’t see it.” Replied Vloe, glancing around in all directions.
“Right in front of you.”
Vloe gazed up, seeing the lofty peak of the mountain fortress Salamandastron. “I see, cuz.” He said.
Hugestripe flinched noticeably. “Please, don’t call me that, hrm? I’m not related to you in any direct way, and I am definitely not your uncle’s son.”
“What if I do, cuz?” Asked Vloe defiantly.
Hugestripe shrugged his shoulders. “No big deal. I just would rather you not. Hrm.”

Before they knew it, the two were standing at the front gate of Salamandastron. Hugestripe knocked and impatiently hollered while the guard unlatched the gate.
“Thank you for letting me in, hrm?” Said Hugestripe once it was all said and done.

Soon all of the hares of the long patrol were seated around the dinner table, with Hugestripe and Vloe. As Vloe introduced himself to the rest of the hares, dinner was served.

“So then I said ‘Hey ho, that must be quite a show!’ and everyone laughed!”

Vloe shook with laughter at his own joke, rubbing tears from his eyes. The hares all nodded patiently.
Hugestripe stood up abruptly and called for the attention of every beast present.

“I have a plan, good friends, hrm?”

“A plan for what?”

“Yeah, cuz!”

Hugestripe jumped. He shot a hateful glance in Vloe’s direction before continuing.

“We must get those two warriors from Redwall to stay with us for a long time once they arrive. They will prove invaluable, hrm?”

“So… why do we need two warriors again?”

“Yeah, cu…”

“Because they are good. Anyway, to keep them here, we must fake a vermin attack. As soon as they arrive, we will have a goodly sized company of hares in the disguise of vermin attack them. Then they will be forced inside. We will keep up a fake war until we are done with the warriors. Good plan, hrm?”

“Yes, very.”

“Oh, aye.”

“Of course, sah!”

“Most definitely, sah!”

“Yeah, cuz!”

“Shut it vole!”

Much silence followed, during which you could hear the suppressed laughter of many of the younger hares. This is an important moment in the story, because it’s the first time that a plot has begun to form, so your imagination must be running wild about what the rest of the story will be like. Will it be good? I’ll leave that up to your imagination for the moment, because this chapter has wearied of its original newness.