Redwall's Funniest Home Videos

Guest article

By Demi & Spring Brookring

Demi: Helllllloooooooo you weird chaps who have deiced to read this! Welcome to our first article in MONTHS! Things have been very busy on Mars and the Moon *grumbles*. Well, Spring and I were *coughs*ahem, looking through some….uh….what did we call those things again Spring?
Spring: Home videos Demi…what are those again?
Demi: I don't know. But we have them! So, we deiced to show them to you unlucky chaps! *snickers* Suckers….
Spring: Uh…Demi…we're still on the air…
Demi: Oh..hehehehehe…now to the I-forgot-what-you-call-thems!
First Video: *scene opens to two adorable little otter dibbuns. They look menacingly at each other.*
First Little Dibbun: I Mawtin!
Second Little Dibbun: No you ain't Demi! I Mawtin!
Little Demi: No uh! I Mawtin! You definawtly not Mawtin Spring!
Little Spring: I Mawtin!
Little Demi: Me Mawtin!
Little Spring: Me!
Little Demi: Me!
Little Spring: *picks up clump of mud and throw it at Demi* Me!
Little Demi: *throws mud bomb at Spring* Me!
CRASH!!!!! *camera blanks out*
Ten minutes later: *2 muddy lumps crawl from under mud piles.*
First Little Lump Of Mud: Me still Mawtin!
Second Little Lump of Mud: No you ain't Demi! Me!!!!!
*Movie Stops*

Demi: I Mawtin!
Spring: Me Mawtin!
Demi: as you can see, old habits die hard. By the way, Spring, I am so insaner than you.
Spring: Are not!
Demi: Are too!
Camera man: Hey , there's a show here!
Spring: oh, right. Well, the next movie….
Demi: Some squirrel from Mossflower sent this one in.


*Scene opens to white blankness, then black blankness, then squiggly blankness. It continues this way for five minutes.*
Spring: That squirrel is a total loon. I'm suing him!
Demi: you just have to have someone to sue, don't you!
Spring: Duh! it's like an addiction. Like chocolate. or coffee. I like coffee! yup. Uh huh. Coffee goooood.
Demi: *is looking at her twin like she's grown horns* You are WEIRD! Okay, NEXT VIDEO! PLEASSSSEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Spring: *mutters* I'm not weird, I'm insane.

*Scene opens to a younger Demi dancing around in a tutu.*
Demi: MeowMeowMeowMeowMeowMeowMeowMeowMeowMeowMeowMeo- Spring turn that off!
Spring: Nope, this is WAY too much fun! I'm going to show this to your prom date!
Demi: *dives in slow motion* Nnnnoooooooo- *stops mid-air* Wait…what prom date?
Spring: *laughs insanely*

Demi:*looking horrified* I can't believe you put that on our show!
Spring:*giggles* Hehehehe….I win! I Mawtin!

*Screen opens to Cluny sitting at a computer wearing one of those glasses-with-the-nose-and-moustache-attached things and fake front buck teeth.*
Cluny:I hate online chess anyway!!!
*Cheesethief opens door*
Cheesethief: uh, chief, would you like me to make the computer cry now?
Cluny: Just a minute, I have to beat Dr. Dangerous and his stupid checker pieces.
Cheesethief: it's chess.
Cluny: of course its cheese, didn't I just say that!
Cheesethief: Um, I need your screen name so I can destroy your opponents files.
Cluny: ok, my name is Hottsie Tottsie!!
Cheesethief: *sniggers and turns purple* Hottsie Tottsie! that's the stupidest name I've
ever--oh, I mean what a lovely name, chief, er, uh, what are you doing with that water gun, er HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!*film ends*

Spring:*snickers*hehehehehehe, what a weirdo!*snickers so hard she turns
purple*
Person in Audience: wow, a purple otter!
Demi: *is rolling on the floor laughing .*Well , folks, that's all there
is for today and if anybody suffers profound mental instability
following this show, then there's a lovely asylum in southern
Mossflower that is used to people who go insane and suck their thumbs
after reading miserable, insane, insensitive junk like this.
*they leave the studio arguing*
Spring:Me Martin!
Demi:no, me!
Spring:Fine, then I'm insaner than you!
Demi: Are not!
Spring Are too!
*theme music plays while the siblings bicker*