Lymbee

Panelist: Temm-lock

Chapter 2: A Treasure in the Sand

It was a bright day on the shores of Salamandastron, the sun glinting off the water in a completely phony manner. In fact, it looked retarded.
Two lone figures stood silhouetted against the sun on the balcony overlooking the sea from the mountain
“No sign o’the jolly chaps!” called Fastrun the hare. Fastrun was a distinguished member of the Long Patrol, as was his good friend Scutbag.
“No sign o’the blinkin’ badger lord either, for that matter, wot?” Replied Scutbag.
Fastrun shook his head. “That Hugestripe… a chap can never count on him for a flippin’ thing!”
Both hares where around 15 seasons, though they appeared many seasons apart. Fastrun was significantly smaller than Scutbag, and had floppier ears.
Hugestripe the badger lord had left the mountain on the previous day, in search of a sand-dollar which he had dreamed about. He had promised to return early the following day before the two soldiers from Redwall arrived, but there had of yet been no sign of either.
“So why did ol’ Hugestripe ask Redwall to send two fightin’ beasts?” asked Scutbag.
“No clue, wot? Let’s pop on inside for a bite of vittles, I’m famished.” Replied Fastrun. Scutbag nodded his head happily.

Inside, the two found breakfast on the table.
“Yummy, don’t y’just love flippin’ pancakes?” Exclaimed a young hare seated at the head of the table.
“Of course, but not as much as you love stealin’ my bally seat at the head of the table I’m sure, you young scoffbag!” Fastrun replied, as he grabbed the young hare and placed him in a different chair.
“Come on, you’re s’posed to laugh ol’ chap, wot?” said Scutbag to the young hare. The young hare spat at Fastrun and made an angry grunt. “Hateful blighter.” Said the young hare. The young hare developed a mad look on his face and the young hare kicked the chair adjacent to the young hare’s chair.
“Steady in the ranks there, sah!” Called Fastrun. “No future long patrol hare should have an attitude like that, wot?”
The young hare persisted with his temper tantrum, standing up and throwing Fastrun’s pancakes on the floor. The young hare then knocked Scutbag’s pancakes on the floor. In return Scutbag and Fastrun, together, knocked the young hare’s pancakes on the floor, which further enraged the young hare. The young hare, at this point the young hare picked up his chair and heaved it at Fastrun and Scutbag, thrown by the young hare. The young hare said “I hate you both!” said the young hare. The speaker was the young hare. Everyone heard what the young hare had just said. The young hare had said “I hate you both!” Which was spoken by the young hare. Everyone was mad that the young hare had just said “I hate you both!” said the young hare. The young hare then….
“WAIT!!!!!” Called Fastrun to the young hare. “What is your name??? I’m sick of reading ‘the young hare’!!!”
The young hare replied “Kopertalay.” replied Kopertalay, formerly known as the young hare.
“Ok, top hole wot?” Said Scutbag, after a moment of silence that was two seconds short of becoming ‘awkward silence’.

While all this merriment and fun were going on inside the mountain, a lonely figure wandered the coast of Salamandastron with his head bowed. It was Hugestripe, badger lord of Salamandastron, looking for an elusive sand-dollar which he had dreamed about.
“Hrm, no, not here. I’ll look over there! No, not there. Hrm, hrm.” He had a strange habit of talking to himself while looking for elusive objects, that he dreamed about, on the shore. There were many other things that were odd about Hugestripe, but these oddities will remain unspoken of for the moment.
“Aha!” He exclaimed as he reached his paw into the sand. He pulled up the object, but most surprisingly it was not a sand-dollar at all. It was a curved dagger blade, similar to those carried by sea vermin.
“Hrm, hrm, this is bad. There may really be vermin about, and not just the ones I invented in my mind as an excuse to have two fighting beasts sent from Redwall! We may actually need them! Hrm, hrm, I guess it would be smart to stop looking for the ground riches and to head back to the mountain fortress, hrm?”
He nodded, which was odd because it made it seem as though he was talking to someone other than himself.
He turned around and began heading back toward Salamandastron, carrying the curved blade carefully to avoid cutting himself too severely. Unfortunately he was not allowed a peaceful stroll back to the mountain. He suddenly heard an evil laugh behind him.
“We’ve got yer now, harhar!”
He turned around to see an evil looking stoat dressed in tattered clothes, carrying a broken sword.
“Hrm, what do you mean we? I only see one of your pathetic entities, hrm?” Replied Hugestripe.
“Look behind ye’ now, eh?” replied the stoat. Hugestripe turned around to see two other vermin, a weasel and a rat, dressed similarly and carrying curved blades.
“We! Harharhar!” Laughed the rat. “We against ye’ one pathetic life-form. Say yer prayers.”
Hugestripe nodded his head. “Seems rather hopeless, hrm?”
The three vermin all laughed aloud. “Of course ye lily-livered old barnacle!”
Hugestripe shook his head. “Nonono, you misunderstood me. I meant it seems rather hopeless for you, hrm?”
The three vermin passed nervous glances to each other. “Y-y-ye’ think so?” Stuttered the stoat.
Hugestripe nodded his head gravely. “Yes, I’d suggest you three run away, hrm, hrm.”
The rat and the weasel looked around and started running in the opposite direction of the mountain with panicked looks on their faces.
“W-w-wait, what if y-y-yer lyin’?” Stuttered the stoat who remained in front of Hugestripe.
“I’m not, good sir, hrm.” Replied the badger lord.
“C-come back yer two, I think he’s lyin’!” Shouted the stoat to his companions who were still not too far off.
“Oh.” They both replied in unison, as they hurried back.
“We’re gonna fight ye’ hugeslime!” Ranted the stoat defiantly.
“Ok.” Replied Hugestripe. The three closed in around him, swords drawn. Hugestripe suddenly roared and spun around in a circle with the curved blade point-out. This maneuver would have worked if Hugestripe had not been distracted by the sudden appearance of a sand-dollar, washed up by the tide. He faltered and tripped, dropping the blade before it touched either of the vermin’s necks.
The vermin, relieved, sat down to catch their breath. Seizing the opportunity, Hugestripe ran to the shoreline and grabbed the sand-dollar.
By the time he was done looking at it, the vermin were back on their feet and ready for action. He hurried to meet them, but they had already come up with a plan. All three of them jumped towards him with their blades sticking straight out. Luckily, Hugestripe had a trick of his own.
Before their feet could touch the ground again he threw the sand-dollar like a boomerang, which curved in a circular motion and <Edited for overly-unnecessary violent content>.
That being done, Hugestripe kicked the three carcasses out of the way and began heading back towards Salamandastron, fingering his sand-dollar.
“Lucky throw, hrm.”
 

Thanks for all your feedback everyone, its good to realize that you like Lymbee. Its a sign that I'm not the only person out there with a twisted sense of humor.