Athalia's monthly interview

Panelist: A-tha-lia NHC

ANHC: *is sitting in a chair in a TV newsroom* Hello, this is Athalia Nuttree yadda-yadda-yadda, reporting for The Redwall Comedian.
Yes, another month, another lousy interview done by me. This month, using the wonders of our
imaginations, we're interviewing several famous beasts from Redwall about what the moon is made of.
Our first unlucky soul--I mean, special guest is the famous Martin the Warrior.

MTW: *is zapped into a chair next to Atha* Huh? Where am I?

ANHC: Mr. Warrior, what do you believe the moon is made of?

MTW: Uhmm... let's see, I think the answer is 365 divided by 6, multiplied by pi, add the radius
of the earth and one cup of olives... no, it's less than that... *appears to be doing alot of calculations
in his head*

ANHC: *Long pause* Well, Mr. Warrior?

MTW: *looks up* Oh, sorry, could you please repeat the question?

ANHC: No.

*a lighning bolt hits Martin the Warrior, leaving a cloud of smoke and an empty chair*

ANHC: Ok, our next special guest is Basil Stag Hare. *Basil is zapped into the chair* Welcome Mr. Hare.

BSH: Eh, wot? Where am I?

ANHC: Why do they always ask that...? Anyway, Mr. Hare--

BSH: Please, call me Basil!

ANHC: Uh, ok, Basil. What do think the moon is made of?

BSH: Hmm, well, I'm not too jolly well sure of that, wot. I think it may be made of cheese, but then
again it could just be an onion and leek pastie!

ANHC: That's very interesting. Anything else you'd like to say?

BSH: *looks around* Is that a buffet table back there? If you'll excuse me, I think I'll jolly
well help myself to some tucker! *gets up and walks off camera*

*another lightning bolt flashes next to Athalia, leaving a guy with a bald spot on his head*

J.C.: What the? Where am I?

ANHC: *long sigh* Our next guest obviously does not come from Redwall but from Rockthing, Maine.
Welcome, again, John Cripp.

J.C.: Why do I always get stuck in these stupid things?

ANHC: Because we ran out of guests.

J.C.: So?

ANHC: So... you're special and have special needs.

J.C.: Shut up, you idiot.

*another lightning bolt burns John's clothes off*

ANHC: AIEEE!!! *covers her eyes*

J.C.: *runs away yelling* You'll be hearing from my lawyer!!

ANHC: *uncovers her eyes* Thank goodness he's gone. Well, this interview has failed, once again.
We had one guest who just didn't know what the moon was made of, one guest who thought it was
either cheese or pastie, and one guest who got his clothes burnt off. That's just great...
*receives a note* This just in! Recent experiments done by NASA, NOAA, NOVA, and No Doubt show that
the moon is indeed made of cheese! They hope to bring in some cheese experts to figure out
just what kind of cheese it is, and-- *receives another note* oh. It was just the cheese off of
someone's sandwhich. And so ends another bad interview. Tune in next month for another one.
Maybe the next one will be better, maybe it won't. I'm Athalia Nevermind-the-rest-of-my-name,
signing off.