Athalia's Monthly Interview

Panelist: A-tha-lia

Welcome to Athalia's Monthly Interview. This month, we actually got quite a few questions! Amazing! People love me! ... What's that, Mr. Editor, sir? Don't let this go to my head? Yes, sir.

First off, we have four questions from Captain Amazing.

"Who is John Cripp?"

--Wouldn't you like to know! Wait, that's the point of the question, isn't it? Okay, John is a guy that was (in reality) in my eighth grade class next year and kind of got me into the Redwall series. He's rather annoying and cynical, and I used to love making fun of him. So I threw him into some of my first interviews. But, since I didn't want folks knowing his last name, I changed it, and he became John Cripp.

"Do you like clam chowder?"

--Yes, I do. Although a friend of mine would say that clams have feelings, I don't see how liking clam chowder should make them feel bad. I mean, you LIKE the clams... in the clam chowder. So, why should they be unhappy? They should feel loved!

"How do Redwallers make cheese? Do they buy milk from cows?"

--Hmmm... let's see, first they take five eggs, throw them into the air, add two sliced pickles, a painting of a turtle, two stuffed cabbages, chemical X, devide by two, multiply by nine times seven, and the answer is why I failed algebra. They get the milk from aliens.

"Is the cheese vegan cheese?"

--ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH CHEESE?! Good, because so am I. Anyway, I know not of vegan, therefore cannot answer your question, except to say that pickles make the world turn green when they get smooshed.


Next we had a few questions from my co-worker, Spoon Paw.

"1. Why don't the weapons in Redwall ever get more complex? I mean seriously,
what civilization is always going to rely on medievil weaponry for that long
of a period in time?"

--Because they're too busy eating to invent new weaponry.

"2. How come I'm still working for TRC when all I do is write nonsenical
stories and replace some of the words with other words like paws, scurry,
and mouse?"

--Because you're loved.

"3. Shakira looks really scary when she dances. Why aren't there any
therapists, like me, or guidance counsellors, not me, for the evil villains.
They've only got stupid fox seers who get killed by the villain anyways?"

--Because they're dumb, you're smart. They're small, you're big. They're... I forgot the rest of it. *goes back to watch "Matilda" again*

"My answer to the question, forty-two. Yes 42 is my answer."

--Incorrect. Please hold whilst we process the paperwork for your trip to the local zoo.


Then we had a question from... Trintula or Fred. *blinkblink* Oh, and an answer to my question...

"Orange. And ditch the Dibbun, go have an orange midnight snack. Yum."

--Erm, no. Now you've made me hungry, way to go. *grumbles*

"As far as question, Did you get your name from LotR???"

--Ehm, no. My name came from various things, none of which have anything to do with Lord of the Rings. Even though I love that movie.


And that was it. Not bad. Not too good, either, but it made me happy... let's see if you can make me happy again this next month, okay?

This month's question: two vermin hordes are charging towards each other across a field. Vermin Horde A is traveling east at 20 miles per hour. Vermin Horde B is traveling west at 2 miles per hour. If Vermin Horde B stops to tie their shoe laces, will the two hordes call a time out, or will Vermin Horde A run right over the dirty, rotten scum?

Have a good month! Merry Christmas!