A Question and Its Answer of Rambleness

Guest article

By: Bluewake

            No matter how long or how wide you search, there is a question in the ROC that may never be answered.  No matter how many broken down, pitiful link lists you try, no matter how many times you click “search” on Yahoo and/or Google over and over again, and search within results even, will you find this solution.  No matter how many letters you send to random celebrities, or how many time you sleep in a box of raw meat in order to further increase your brain size, and hopefully its productivity, will the answer come to you.  What is this question? 

            It is a quandary for the ages, right up there with the Mayan sky drawings, the Loch Ness monster, and why exactly Brittany Spears starred in her own movie (which no one bothered to go see, and for good reason), and why I tried to put a question mark at the end of this sentence here. 

            A mystery that may never be solved, a puzzlement, an enigma, a quandary, and various other synonyms for which I am too lazy to click the Thesaurus button. 

            There are many more futile endeavors I can compare this to, but I’ll just cut to the chase.  Ooh, I always wanted to say that.  That!

            What do you tell someone when they ask you what Redwall is?

            Lets face it, there really is no good way.  “They’re about animals who talk, wear clothes, and fight each other with swords and things.”  is about the best I have ever come up with, but I usually find myself muttering something about the UK (which, might I add, is a strong and admirable country, which is in no way meant to be insulted by the preceding comment), kick whoever is asking in the shins, and run away.  I find this usually solves most problems, whether Redwall related or not, but there comes a time when even this sure-fire method is found lacking.
            Often times, sadly to say, my own mother must come to this great series’ defense for me.  She also enjoys the books, though through her aspratain* muddled mind she rarely remembers who the characters are for more than a few days.  Martin is about the only one she can keep straight, but she does make a good argument.  Although I can never recall what exactly it was she said (It’s the blue sugar packets!  They are evil!), she always manages to evoke a thoughtful nod and an mm-hmm.

            Wait…how did I start on this train of thought?  Who knows…

-After many hours of banging their head against the wall and eating pistachios, the author returns to the computer-

            So the next time you find yourself at a loss of how to get someone hooked on Redwall, just think of the things about it that you love.  Don’t bother with the main idea, or even the plot of the books, for those are not things that bring me back to their well-worn pages.  And if that doesn’t work, I hear brainwashing has made incredible leaps in the past decade. Just a thought.

*This word threw the spell check for a loop