The Legend of Spoon Paw the Fairly Uneducated

Panelist: Spoon-paw

Chapter 7
Sub-chapter a:

The great doors of Salamamndastron opened revealing the majestic silhouette
of the mighty Lord Hungarian, “WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME IN OUT OF THE COLD?”
he boomed, “YOU MADE IT JUST IN TIME FOR TEA AND CRACKERS!”
“Thank you sir,” Lemur replied as he rose off his back, “that would be
lovely, yes?”
As the six cold creatures walked in out of the cold Joe, Bob, Fred, Bill,
and Sam all died of frostbite because they were stupid minor characters.
“Aw, that really is a shame,” said Lemur, “but they knew they had it coming
to them, yes?”
Lemur sat on a light green sofa and started chatting with Hungarian about
the threat posed at the mountain because of Not Nice Claw and his horde and
that they needed a militia, “Not Nice Claw and his horde pose a threat to
your mountain, and we need a militia, yes?”
Lord Hungarian told him he’d consider it, “I’ll consider it.”
“Wot wot wot, I’m bally hungry blood and vinegar chaps wot wot wot,” a
rather large hare had just walked in the room and started eating everything
in sight.
“Ah, yes allow me to introduce this stereotypical fellow, his name’s Hasil
Bag Stare a very lethal fellow, entire family was in the Long Patrol,”
explained Lord Hungarian.
“Wot wot wot wot wot wot wot wot, I’m ‘ungry, wot wot wot wot wot.”
“Say would you like to come with us on our quest to stop the evil Not Nice
Claw and his evil horde, yes?” inquired Lemur.
“Wot wot wot, wot, wot wot wot wot?” said Hasil, “Wot wot wot wot wot wot,
wot wot wot blood an’ vinegar, wot.”
“Well then I’m glad to have ya aboard, yes?”
“Wot.”
Suddenly there was a big kaboom and the crumpled heap of a squirrel could be
barely made out through the dust. “Ah, there ya are ol’ Spoon” Said Lord
Hungarian, care to join us for tea?

Who in the world could this mysterious Spoon fellow be?
Can Not Nice Claw be stopped?
What type of tea were they drinking?
The answers to these questions and more in the next chapter of Spoon Paw the
Fairly Uneducated. (Or Sub-Chapter b)
Sub-Chapter b:

Spoon Paw rose off of his stomach as the smoke slowly cleared, “Sorry ‘bout
the dust, we was just about to, uh-“
Spoon’s voice was quickly interrupted by another voice, “You totally owe me
ten bucks,” Said Temmlock after coming down the stairs, “I knew the floor
wouldn’t hold the, er, I mean, SHUT UP AND WRITE YOUR ARTICLES YOU
WORTHLESS, WORTHLESS PITIFUL CREATURE! I DON’T PAY YOU TO FALL OUT THE
CEILING, I PAY YOU TO MAKE A MOCKERY OF YOURSELF BY GATHERING THE BEST
WRITERS I CAN FIND AND MAKE THEM UPSTAGE YOU RELENTLESSLY, oh I need a glass
of water.” The squirrel suddenly fell limp on the ground.
After the squirrel’s body stopped periodically twitching he was dumped into
the pond.
After laughing for a very long time Spoon finally got up, “Now what was all
this talk about militias and Enrique Iglesias, I wanna join,” he paused
momentarily and glared at Hungarian, “You can’t stop me!”
“Oh, what?” The badger looked up from splashing about with his tea bag.
“I said you can’t stop me from my destiny, I’ve spent my entire life
dreaming about going into battle.”
“Oh, well in that case I really don’t care.”
“Y-you don’t?” A tear welled up in Spoon’s eye, “you don’t care about me at
all?”
“No, no I really don’t, I only adopted you because you were heir to your
family’s really big amounts of money, plus they paid me child support.”
“Oh, well that changes everything doesn’t it?”
“What do you mean?”
“I…don’t…know.”
“Oh.”
“Well I’m going to Bad Guy Island who’s going with me?”
“I’ll go,” the wet figure of Temmlock rose out of the pond.
“You can’t go” pointed out Spoon Paw, “You’re like, um, my boss and like you
were only supposed to play an ultra-minor part in the story.”
“Hey, I didn’t get mad at you for not submitting your article last month,
it’s the least you can do.”
“Geez! Fine! But you have to build us a boat.”
“But we’ve already got one.”
“Y4R, 1'm 4 PIratE, cH3CK ou+ MY l33t PIr@+in9 5kill$.” A giant otter walked
into the room, “I C@N U5e mY l33t P1r4T3 5HIP +o 9e+ J00 oVeR +0 B4D GUy
15LanD 1PH y0u'D l1k3, y4R!”
“Well thanks then,” said Lemur, “I guess we should just wait until tomorrow,
yes?”
“Er, yeah okay.” Replied Spoon Paw.
“Geez what a lame ending for a chapter,” pointed out Lord Hungarian.
“I KNOw, TH@+ W4$ T0+4llY L4Me.”

wHO wiLl WIn IN thE b4+tl3 8ETw33N gO0D @nD eV1l?
wHat m4D 5k1lL$ dO35 Th@t 0+TEr D00D P055e55?
wH@+ w@5 Th4t 0TTer D0ODZ N4m3 4NYw@Y5?
f1nD 0Ut in THE NEX+ LEe+ CH4p+ER 0f $pO0n p4W +hE F4irly un3DuC@T3d.