The Legend of Spoon Paw, the Fairly Uneducated

Chapter 3

Panelist: Spoon-paw

It was a happy day.  Happy happy happy.  Everywhere was happy, because it was happy in the first place, meaning that the happiness of the day did not contribute to the happiness of the places in any way.

Redwall was happy too.  Everything was how it was normally, Friar Cook had made breakfast, and Abbot Ruler was chatting with the mother badger, Mother Not-Daddy and the Abbey warrior, Lemur, about the thingy outside that was really big and scary.

“What should we do about the thingy?” Abbot Ruler asked them Frantically.

“I think we should make jam, yes?” said Lemur.

“If you do that” said Mother Not-Daddy, “Then I will hang you.”

“I’m some what intimidated by this fact, yes?” replied Lemur “Thusly making me too uncomfortable to make jam, yes?”

“Huh, that’s funny,” said Mother Not-Daddy.

“Why is that funny, yes?” Asked Lemur.

“What are we going to do about the thingy?” Abbot Ruler interrupted

“Let’s kill it,” said Mother Not-Daddy

“But I thought we were peaceful, yes?” said Lemur

“Lemur,” Said Mother Not-Daddy, “Why don’t you take that plastic bag off your head and listen to what Ted has to say.”

“Finally,” Ted muttered, “I think we should.”

“Should what, yes?” asked Lemur.

“We.” Answered Ted, “And then we just leave it to. To finish the.

There was a long silence. But then there wasn’t because there was a guy in the next room who was all, “Hey!” And everybody looked at him and stuff and he got embarrassed and all and left because he was sad. But then there was a silence again but then there wasn’t anymore because there wasn’t supposed to be one anymore.

“That’s a wonderful idea!” Said Abbot ruler.

“But there are bad guys who are going to try to defeat Salamandastron and we have to form a small band of guys and stuff who are like, fighters and we’ll sort of save them, yes?” Said Lemur.

“Wow.” Replied Mother Not-Daddy, “How do you know?”

“I kidnapped a clairvoyant and I made her into a Swiss Army knife that I keep in my light bulb, yes? Said Lemur.

“It’s a good thing I always keep a list of recruits with me at all times,” Said the Abbot.

“Then I guess we’ll be getting recruits soon, yes?” Said Lemur.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Replied Lemur.

“Hey you guys want some coffee?” asked Friar Cook

“Sure I’ll take a double tall mocha late” Said the Abbot.

“I’ll have what he’s having, yes?” Said Lemur.

Ummm, what would you recommend Cook?” Asked Not-daddy.

“I would guess the, uhhh, bag of coffee beans” Answered the Friar.

“I guess I’ll take that then.” Said the badger mother.

“Oh.” The Friar replied.

Will there be a battle?

Will there be a romance?

Will the?