The Legend Of
Spoon Paw The Fairly Uneducated
Preface

Panelist: Spoon-Paw

It was a wet and foggy day in Mossflower Wood. The
patter of raindrops could be heard from all
directions. As the cold winter day continued, a huge
hare army could be seen emerging from a small foliage
of trees. As they collected berries from a small
juniper bush they could be heard talking very quietly
in fear of being heard.
“What shall we do with it sire?” a young hare asked.
“We must take it and care for it as our own,” an
extremely large badger replied looking at the young
squirrel in the arms of a hare maid.
“What about a name sire?” the maid asked.
“We shall call him Spoon Paw,” he answered.
“Um, Lord Nerkle, I don’t think you’ve taken your
medication today, let’s get back to Salamandastron,
we’ll take you to the sick bay and you can have some
yummy pudding and we can play monopol-”.
“No” the irritated badger replied, “We must care for
him, he’ll die out here.”
There was a long pause until finally a very negative
and foolish old hare piped up, “um, so?”
The great badger was on him in a second snapping,
cracking, breaking, smashing, fracturing, rupturing,
shattering, splitting, severing and overall causing
pain to the various places on the hare’s body.
Jumping to his feet he yelled, “Are there any others
who oppose me!?”
A hare shyly raised his hand, “Um, I do.”
The badger jumped upon him dealing with him the same
way he had dealt with the first hare.
Afterwards he jumped to his feet once more, “Now does
anybody oppose me!?”
After several hours Lord Nerkle learned something
very important that day: either hares enjoy getting
slain very often, or his entire army was against him.

After he had slain more than one third of his great
army he had gotten extremely tired and out breathe,
“Who (gasp) still opposes (gasp) me?”
After nobody answered he jumped to his feet as if
nothing had happened he said, “Okay let’s get moving”
stepping tactfully over all the bodies of his fallen
colleagues he announced paying no heed to the crying
hare maids, “From now on today shall be known as Spoon
Day,” for a long time there was no answer. “Okay fine
it’ll be called Russian Paloosci day” everyone stopped
crying and cheered as if nothing had happened.
Happy with the hare’s reactions he led them on to
Salamandaston carrying the small squirrel in his paws.
Then suddenly a swallow flying overhead dropped a
fairly large coconut that landed square on the
infant’s head. Unknown that that coconut would start
the most stupidest, poorly written, demeaning legend
of its time. And so began the legend of Spoon Paw the
Fairly Uneducated.