TRC Classics

Scariest Places on Earth

By Greystreak the Blade

Heh heh heh here's another one. THIS one is kinda long, and it's based on that show called Scariest places on Earth. IF you've never seen it, it's a cruel show where they stick people in "haunted" places and video tape them freaking out. Oh well just read it already.

*show opens up in a dark room with Hon Rosie standing in the middle.*

Rosie:WOAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA! Yes I'm your host Rosie Blair and welcome to Scariest Places in Mossflower.WOAHAHAHAHAA! Today five pathetic old chaps are spending the night in ST.NINIANS CHURCH! Yessiree,these old bumblers will sleep,if they get any sleep,in the haunted church. Here's the old mousechap I.M. Crippled with the spooky facts about the bally place.Woahahahahhaaaaaaaaa!

*screen switches to the mouse,who is 600 years old and is in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank trailing behind it.*

Mouse(is talking through an oxygen mask): That church is....um...I can't read the cuecards....oh yes....HAUNTED! Eeeeeeeeeviill spirits reek that church! Eeeeeeeeeeeviiiilll! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeevilll! Eeeeeeeeeeeeee--AHHHHHH MY BLOOD PRESSURE! *presses the wrong button on the oxygen tank,making it explode.Screen switches back to Rosie.*

Rosie:*blinks* Weeellll ok then chaps.I might as well get to the bally contestants ,wot? Ok here the blighters are. Roll it!

*screen switches to Matthias,Martin,Cornflower,Rose,and Basil standing in front of St.Ninians,grinning stupidly.*

Martin:Yay,we're gonna spend the night in a haunted place! Oooo joy!

Matthias(whispers to him):Martin,the cuecards!

Martin: Oh yes yes.*squints* Ummmm...... Oh yes we are really speared....I mean scared....to sleep in the church oh we are scared.*mumbles* Whoever writes those should get another job........

Rose:*slaps the back of Martin's head* You oaf! Ok anyway,we aren't THAT scared.We are COMEPLETELY prepared.

Cornflower:Yeah we have the Ghostbuster's phone number.

Rose:Yep that's right.

Basil: I've met those chaps before.Really nice guys,doncha know.

Matthias:Yes Basil that's nice.Like Rose said,we are not scared.Not scared at all.

*Martin sneaks behind Matthias and grabs his shoulders.*

Matthias:*screams like a 4 year old girl*AIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Martin:You WIMP! You call yourself a WARRIOR?!?!?

*Basil sneaks behind Martin and grabs his shoulders*

Martin:*screams like a girl* AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Basil: *snorts* Pathetic chap.

Rose:Men are SO immature.

Cornflower:You said it.

*screen switches to Rosie,who is talking on a cell phone*

Rosie:Yes Tarquin I'm coming back in about an hour. Yeah this show is pretty lame.What? Oh yeah whoever is writing this right now should be thrown into a mental asylum.Whoopseys,we're rolling.Call you back sweety.Bye!
*hangs up.* Ook chaps we'll be right bally back after a message from our sponsors.
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Rosie: Ok we're back! Now,let's get to the BEST part of this show,where we watch 5 pitiful contestants cower in fear over a bunch of computer-projected poltergeists.WOAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAA!!! Roll it,Sparky!

*screen switches to a position inside St.Ninians.The five contestants are walking around*

Martin:Wow,this place is big.

Matthias:Where's the bathroom?

Rose:I gotta find a place to sleep.

Cornflower:Hmmmm this place is a mite dusty......

Rose:I should've brought my Windex.

Basil:Where's the bally kitchen? I could really go for some burgers.

Matthias:Where's the bathroom?

*a couple hours pass*

Martin: Ok,everyone,time to hit the hay!

Matthias:What hay?

Cornflower:*slaps the back of his head* It's a figure of speech,you imbecile.

*suddenly Basil screams like a girl*

Rose:What the heck IS it,Basil?

Basil:F-f-f-f-flying monkeys wearing diapers!!

Martin:Jeez Basil,I always knew you were insane.

Basil:N-n-n-n-no look up there!

*Basil points to a rafter overhead.Everyone looks up.*

Matthias and Martin: *screams like a girl again* AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

*on the rafter there are a flock of flying monkeys wearing diapers*

Rose: Oh my......

Cornflower:This place is haunted by ghosts of flying monkeys wearing diapers?

Rose:Who would of thought.

Cornflower:The person writing this stupid thing.

Rose:Ah.

*Martin and Matthias are clinging to each other and whimpering.*

Cornflower:*snorts* Wimps.

Rose:Well the monkeys appear to be harmless,so--

*a monkey throws a rubber trout down.It hits Rose on the head*

Rose: OW!!

Cornflower:*pulls out cell phone*

Basil:What in the flippin' 'eck are you doin' gel?

Cornflower:Calling the Ghostbusters.

Rose:*rubs head* Stupid monkeys.

Cornflower:*into phone* WHAT!!? WHAT?!?! WELL FINE!! JERKS!! YEAH SAME TO YOU!!*hangs up*

Rose:What happened??!!?

Cornflower:They COULDN'T come.........because......they're taping the Teletubbies show!!!

Rose:Wow that is LOW.

Basil:I'll say.

*Matthias and Martin are clinging to each other sucking their thumbs.*

Rose and Cornflower:You guys make me sick.

*a hail of rubber trout rain down on their heads.*

Everyone:LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!!

*they all run into a room.They all stop to catch to catch their breath.*

Martin:*Has an Australian accent*WOW look at that big gata!

Rose:WHAT?

Martin:Here we have the Black mamba,the most POISONOUS snake in the world.

Cornflower:HE'S POSSESED BY THE CROCODILE HUNTER STEVE IRWIN!!

*everyone gasps*

Martin: Oy that's right.The Black Mamba.

Matthias:*slaps Martin* WAKE UP!!

Martin:*wakes up* Wha?

Rose:Jeez.This room is full of possessive spirits. Let's get out of here.

Cornflower:What cruel,unforgiving soul would let a Redwall character get possessed by an annoying Australian?

Matthias:The guy who's writing this.

Cornflower: Oh yeah.

*they all flee from room.*

*they end up in a kitchen.*

Basil:All right! Some bally scoff,perhaps?

*suddenly a huge deep voice booms*

Voice:My spinach puffs!!

Martin and Matthias: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Rose and Cornflower:IT'S THE GHOST OF KRONK!!

*Suddenly a transparent Kronk materializes*

Kronk:Whoooooooooo wants spinach puffs?

Martin and Matthias:AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Rose:LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!!!

*they flee again,this time ending up in a library.*


Rose:No possessive spirits or flying monkeys with diapers in here.

*suddenly the walls start closing in*

Basil:I'M CLAUSTROPHOBIC!!! I BALLY WELL CAN'T BREATHE!!!
*starts breathing through an inhaler*

Martin and Matthias:AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Rose: Wimps.

Cornflower:You said it sister.

*suddenly spikes protrude from the walls.*

Martin and Matthias: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
*start sucking their thumbs.*

*the walls suddenly turn to cheese and stop closing in.

Rose:This is TOO much. Who WRITES this stupid thing anyway?!?!?

Cornflower: Some insane Wisconsin squirrel who has the rest of the week off and nothing better to do.

Rose: Oh that explains everything.

Cornflower: Now I guess we have to eat our way out.....Basil?

Basil: Yessiree marm!

*in a minimum of 3 seconds the walls are gone*

Basil: Mmm,cheddar.

*a ticking noise fills room.*

Matthias:Anyone hear something?


Basil:I do old chap. That ticking would be a time bomb,a nuclear one to be exact.

Matthias and Martin: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Rose:*sees the bomb on the wall* It says DETONATION IN 2 MINUTES!!

Matthias and Martin:*start sucking their thumbs*

Cornflower:*rolls eyes* Sissies.

Rose:*picks up the two "warriors" and kicks the door open*

Basil: Wow.

Rose:RUN YOU IDIOTS!!!

*Cornflower and Basil run through the door with rose close behind*

Basil: Hey a quarter.*bends down to pick it up.*

Rose: YOU IMBECILE!!!

*bomb timer says 1 minute*

Basil:Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me!

*they all rush toward the door*

Martin and Matthias: MOMMYYYYYYYYY!!!!

Cornflower and Rose: SHUT UP!!!

*bomb timer says 10 seconds*

Cornflower:*dives for the door in slow motion.Camera zooms around her*

Basil: Hey isn't that from the Matrix?

Rose: Shut up we don't have copyright!

*they all run out the door.The bomb goes off,pushing out a little flag that says "POW"*

Rose:*throws the two "warriors" to the ground*

Martin:*stands up,dusting himself off.* Boy,good thing I saved you guys.If it wasn't for me,you guys would be dead right--*Rose punches him in the jaw.Martin falls to the ground unconscious.*

Cornflower: Wow Rose,I didn't know you had such a strong right hook.

Basil: I didn't know Martin had such a glass jaw.

Rose: How about we all get some McDonald's?

Cornflower: Oooo sure!

Matthias: I thought you were on a diet?

Cornflower: Errrrr.....I'm not anymore.

Matthias: Yeah sure.

*they all walk away leaving Martin's unconscious form in the path*

*screen switches to Rosie*

Rosie* WOAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! Who writes these things?They're so STUPID!!! Anyway,that's all for today. WOAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! i'm your host,Rosie Blair, who is currently very hungry.*walks off set.*

*credits come down screen*