My 2 Lousy Cents

# 11

Panelist: Temmlock

Time-wise this the first anniversary issue of TRC, but issue-wise it is not, due to crippling computer problems throughout the year. Therefore we did not recognize the occasion formally, but you can still throw a cocktail party for us! Can you believe it? An entire year of a messed up project that wasn't expected to leave the drawing board? Its actually quite amazing when you think about it, so don't go ruin the moment by pointing out that we're two issues short of a full year. And don't point out that a year of TRC isn't necessarily a good thing either.

That being said, I'll go on with the article.

This month I'm going to discuss an important ROC news bulletin that demands all of our attention: A random Redwall fan has established himself as supreme ruler of the ROC.

"Martin the Cool Warrior Guy" has set up his throne at www.freeservers.com/iamthesupremeruleroftheroc, and demands allegiance and taxes from all ROCers. Should we follow this guy, or should we treat him as an impostor and revolt? I'm going to take a step back and look closely at all of his claims. Wait, I wouldn't want to step back if I was going to look closer...

First of all, he claims to "Know more about the Marlfox series than anyone else. I mean the... the... Redwall series!". He also claims to "Own the original written thing of Redwall.". This claim can be proven false, seeing that there is no existing copy of the original written thing of Redwall. Don't tell my boss I said this, cause we're supposed to give an impassionate view of the story (wait, I am the boss), but I think this dude's a liar! Y'know what I'm saying?

This all started about a week ago, when Martin the cool warrior guy crashed the servers of a major site that he believed was guilty of rebellion. The outraged staff of the site demanded a reason for this unexpected attack, causing him to reveal his desire for the throne of the ROC. Confused ROCers informed him that there wasn't an ROC throne and that there was really no concrete way to rule the ROC. Martin decided to set up his own throne, despite of what he had been told, and forced tyranny upon the Redwall Online Community. (Full fancy title for the end of the paragraph to make it more meaningful.)

Throughout the week, I have been receiving hundreds (thousands? Maybe millions) of desperate emails, asking me for help. Unfortunately there isn't much I can do to help (I have things to do, don't y'know?) except give you my view of the story and tell you the plain facts without adding any side commentary or opinions that might affect your personal judgment of the situation and without using any run-on sentences that might taint the professionalism of this important document that calls for the utmost seriousness and attention from all Redwall fans, past and present, and even future.

Hopefully I did a good job of this and you will not mind that I cease to discuss the story.

Ok, so you got all that didn't you? Good. Now its time for

Tem's Lousy Redwall Joke of the Month!

A ferret, who lived on a plundering ship with other vermin, knocked on the cabin door. "knock knock" he said with s deep, sonorous voice. "Who'se there?" asked the captain from inside the cabin. "Me." said the weasel. "Who is me?" asked the captain. The weasel raised his eyebrows. "That's a dumb question, you're the captain!".

Wow, that was absolutely hilarious wasn't it? Only a boring, cold, unfeeling person could not laugh at that.

Alright, that's more than enough to hold you back 'til next month. Before I close, though, I wanted to let you know about a new Redwall community project that appears very promising. The staff at Redwall Connection would appreciate it if you'd check out their site and vote on its going or leaving. I'd appreciate it too, so hurry on over there. Actually, save it to your favorite places, read the rest of TRC, and then hurry on over there. Ok?

So, without further ado... See ya in thirty, so don't forget, so, so ,so,

Have a nice day (metaphorically),

Disregards,

~Tem