My 2 Lousy Cents

#4

Panelist: Temm-lock

'sup and welcome again to My 2 Lousy Cents! I've put a whole three minutes of my time for four straight months into writing this column, so you better be enjoying it like Bailee's Irish Cream.

This month's topic for 2LC is 'Music in Redwall'. I have been studying the theorem of musical rodents and I have... like, written stuff down.

Music in Redwall

If Redwall Characters wrote the kind of music that is popular today, it would be quite a spectacle. Imagine a mouse singing disco or a hedgehog rapping. See what I mean? It is very interesting and I believe the matter needs to be addressed. You see, if a ferret wrote music it would probably sound something like Slipknot or Mudvayne. They would have whacked out concerts with illegal drugs sold in the stands and fights breaking out among the crowd- the kind of show that Cornflower wouldn't let Mattimeo attend until he was over 13 years (However many seasons that would be) and even then she would be extremely and highly skeptical. I think most vermin would write that general type of music... except for foxes. They would write alternative, spooky songs that repeat one word ad infinitum. Hares would write annoying pop music with worthless lyrics. Mice would write lite rock etc. Squirrels would write cool punk/metal stuff like Linkin Park, Sum 41, Offspring, System of a Down, Alien Ant Farm, Default etc. (Basically the music I listen to). As I may have mentioned above hedgehogs would be MCs. They would rap their lives away. Shrews would write annoying stuff like Sepultra and ST. Badgers would play classical music and piano stuff. Voles would play flutes, birds would play bagpipes and the rest of the species would all listen to the squirrels and vermin play. Do you know why my RPG characters are all squirrels and vermin?

You know what time is! 3:04 Am!!! Its also time for Tem's Lousy Redwall joke of the Month!

Three shrews started a band. They called themselves P.I.G. At their first gig (Which I must admit completely bombed) they were asked to explain what P.I.G. stood for. The lead guitarist boldly stepped forward and proclaimed "Punks Under Cars!". The crowd hushed for a moment or two before someone pointed out that Punks Under Cars would be P.U.C. and not P.I.G. The drummer boldly stepped forward and said "He meant Punks In Cars". After being notified that this also would not be P.I.G., the bass player stepped forward and said "Punks in... um... in... GARAGES!!" Everyone cheered and they went back to playing. They totally bombed and were booed off the stage during their first song.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! The funnies in the paper today were hilarious!!! Oh... the joke......? What joke?

On a more serious note (What could be more serious than that joke?) our parent site, Temmlock's Salamandastron is being completely redesigned. I expect the all new Tem's Sala to be up within a week. There should be a new contest for May-June under the contests section.

Thank you for spending your time reading this article. If you liked then well, good. If you didn't then well, bad. Don't forget that Emus R cool. See ya in thirty (More or less) so don't forget!

~Tem